8am exhaustion (Thu, 3 Mar 2011)

I just got a call from mom and she sounded very worn-out and at the end of her rope even at 8am. Since I knew she has an appointment this morning with Kubac, a couple days ago I called her and said, “Since you are going to be seeing him on Thursday, just ask him if he will be willing to be the primary doctor to work with hospice.” The hospice nurse told me that Kubac typically says no, but then he is a specialist, not a primary care doc. The hospice nurse said that it is up to him, and that if he agrees, mom can continue to see him. I figured that if mom asks him, he might be more inclined to say yes. And it is preferable to have him be the primary since he provides the vast majority of her care these days.

When I talked to her a few days ago, she was worried that Kubac would have to deal with a bunch of paperwork with hospice, so I said that to get the ball rolling he just has to send them a fax agreeing to be the primary, and that the paperwork would be handled by his office staff. I said to not worry about it, that he and his office probably know better than we do about what would be involved. So mom has been worrying and fretting about not wanting to put any more burden on him because he is so busy, and when she called me this morning she sounded extremely tired and frustrated and impatient. She said she hadn’t slept more than an hour last night because she was worrying about this, and she wanted to ask me again what would be required so she could alleviate his concerns. I told her that I don’t really know the details, and I said again that his office staff probably knows. So she said that she has a favorite person in his front office and she will talk to her before her appointment and see if she could find out.

I respect her for trying to get all the details before she asks Kubac, but I feel so bad that this teeny little frail old lady is trying so hard to handle things on her own. I don’t want to cause her any more stress, but I really think that she is probably the ONLY person who could get Kubac to agree to this. If he says no, I don’t know what we’re going to do, since she would no longer be able to see him if she signs up for hospice.